Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Review – When Time Stops for Her

Here's a little story that caught my eye, and since it managed that much, I decided to present my opinion of it to you. The review of When Time Stops for Her after the break.

The Description:
Ditzy Doo is tired of everypony. They call her the wrong names, talk behind her back, and hurt her. But she still goes on, knowing something good will happen from all the bad, and finally Ditzy gets her way.

The Story:
Ditzy is on the job when Doctor Whooves asks her on a date, which goes well. Both of them remember each other from their earlier time together, and feel happy once they reveal it, thinking fate brought them together. Unfortunately, something has targeted The Doctor, and though she's told to leave, Ditzy refuses to let him do that alone. And then... well, this is where both spoilers and confusion start, but I can tell you it involves the weeping angels.

[After a moment of thinking, I realized this is basically a retread combination of Amy Pond's appearance and Weeping Angel episode combined and with all of the sci-fi bits removed. If you are up to date on your Doctor Who, this should tell you everything that happens.]

The Characters:
Ditzy (Derpy) Doo is very sad and mistreated for her eyes (which were caused by a car accident when she was a filly), a single mother of Dinky (the product of a rape) with no help, the mailmare, and friend of Vinyl Scratch. Doctor Whooves likes Ditzy, and is a perfect gentlecolt. He is the time traveler, and he actually befriended her as a filly, though he left when she got too attached, regretting it every day since. Dinky Doo is the cute kid. These are the extent of their characters.

Some sentences are relatively confusing, words are repeated needlessly, the dreaded 'hand' is used, and everything moves rather quickly. This feeling largely stems from the story's nature: 11 chapters, each a little over 1000 words for short, fast snippets of speedy plot. Combined with clunky sentence structure and minor typos and grammatical errors throughout, it technically doesn't have a leg to stand on. This is normal fanfiction levels, far beneath what I expect out of our talented fandom.

Not in the least. Poorly written, poorly planned, and to top it all off, it ends on a “To be continued” that, to this day, has not happened. The shipping wasn't particularly inspired, the story was a blatant ripoff... there's very little redeemable here. I know it sounds harsh, and I don't want this writer to stop improving. There is just a lot to improve upon.

In Conclusion:
If you're really hard up for some Doctor x Ditzy shipping, look it up. Otherwise, don't bother, there are much better Doctor stories out there.

The Link:

That is all for this week my friends, short and not-particularly-sweet to be sure. My next one may be delayed slightly (my grandmother's 80th birthday is this weekend, and flying out for the party has become quite the ordeal) but it should be out by the end of next week. Until then, have a wonderful day everypony!

Your time-locked writer,

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