By Discord's beard, I'm sorry about the massive delay between posts! First I had family issues, then there were tests at school, and then I purchased Oblivion (not much of an excuse, that one), and I got braces not three days ago so it's been a busy time for me. Anyway, I'll try to get back into the swing of things and we'll all pray that I won't make like Duke Nukem Forever and be such a disappointment after such a long time. Let's do this! 'Grief', after the break.
(That's pretty much what I'd do. Stand there awkwardly while someone else cries.)
Alright, the story I'll be reviewing today is 'Grief' by LunaUsesCaps (I see what you did there), a story that shows us the drastic consequences of indecisiveness and not paying attention to detail. This story is tragic, and it may jerk a few tears from those of you with a soul (myself and redheads not included), involving some grim reality. I'll give you a hint: kids my age are doing it far too often.
Indeed, while this fic may drag some emotion out of that lifeless husk that sits in front of your computer all day, and it may or may not make a lasting impression, like you don't go to Japan to not be weirded right the f@#! out, you don't come to me for a positive review. Let's take the plunge.
Description: "It has always been Twilight's nature to consider her options carefully, in fear of making a mistake. But, when that indecisiveness leads to tragedy, it might take a lot more than friendship to pull her out of a downward spiral."
*gasp* But friendship can solve everything! No pony should say otherwise! Who have you been talking to? What do you know?
Plot: I'm going to take someone's advice here and describe the entirety of the story instead of cutting off at a crucial point. Now, we start of with Twilight in a room in Canterlot and Rainbow Dash seems to be being a bitch as per the usual. After Twilight screams and throws a book at the mirror, drawing parallels to that ridiculous 80's Apple Macintosh commercial, we cut back to Ponyville a day or two beforehand. Beforehoof. Whatever. Back in Ponyville, Twilight starts to think about the purity of hatred (my kind of gal) as she starts to yell at the courier who was meant to deliver the latest Daring Do novel. As we all know, Twilight is not one to disappoint her friends and isn't too pleased with the scenario. After waiting a few hours for Dash to show up, everyone's favourite rainbow pegasus pops in for a visit...except, she's different. She's...tired, weary, but not physically. Mentally exhausted, unable to take life anymore. She asks Twilight if she ever 'thinks about life'. Now, the ever-intelligent Twilight Sparkle doesn't really notice too much about Rainbow's condition and shrugs off the topic of conversation, a decision she would come to regret more than Microsoft did for not patenting their tablet device before Apple snatched the idea away and made billions. So, Twilight visits Rainbow the next day, and...wah wah waaaaah. Too late, my dear. She's gone. Rainbow Dash swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills, and left a note. If only poor Twilight had noticed the signs...*tsk tsk* Too late now. After Twilight reads the admittedly beautifully written note, she then falls asleep next to the cadaver, as you do.
What happens next is a letter to Princess Celestia, the arrival of said princess, and Twilight discussing the morbid topic of death with her before showing the alicorn Rainbow's body. From there, hallucinations ensue after Twilight starts to rage at Celestia. Rainbow is apparently here to stay, but in Twilight's head. Finally we cut back to the room at the beginning of the story, where we are now enlightened with the knowledge that Rainbow is actually dead, and the reason Twilight threw the book at the mirror is because much like the Inspector Gadget theme, she can't get her out of her head.
Characters: In relation to the actual show, the ponies are way off. However, if they were accurate then this story wouldn't work as well as it does. Other fics that involve pony suicide are usually poorly written and involve Fluttershy or Pinkie Pie, so this is a nice change from the norm. Anyway, this works well because if the characters were as happy and cheery as they are in the show (for the most part), this story couldn't be as depressing as it is. Twilight is the main character here as she is in the show, but with one of her friends dead she starts to blame herself, which isn't a logical course of action as she is known for, but I guess when you find one of your best friends dead in her house with a suicide note worthy of Edgar Allen Poe logic tends to go out of the window. Rainbow Dash is obviously hugely different in this, being depressed and all. I quite like how the author describes her bloodshot eyes, her mopey looks and just her overall demeanor. Quite well done. I won't really focus on Celestia and Spike because a) I hate the both of them and b) They aren't that important.
Spelling and Grammar: 4 spelling errors and 3 grammatical errors. Considering the size of the story, the amount of mistakes is quite low. However, there were still mistakes, and VE MUST CORRECT ZEM.
Spelling: Paragraph four, 'Whyam'. Make like Portal 2 and SPACE. Paragraph sixty-six, 'wassomething'. Again, with the space. Paragraph seventy-eight, 'didhappen'. You would make a terrible astronaut, and I am terrible at puns. Paragraph 123, 'Itruly'. I notice these mistakes only seem to happen when you use italics. Just a tip for the future, sir and/or madame.
Grammar: Paragraph two, 'Laying'. In that context, it should be 'Lying'. Paragraph sixty, 'awhile'. This should be 'a while'. The spaces, again. Paragraph 154, same mistake.
Not bad, all things considered, and in comparison to some other fics I've read. Shukumei.
Execution: I found this to be particularly well executed, and not the kind where the headsman cuts off the head in one fell swoop. Indeed, the fic was not too fast and not too slow, it had a good amount of commas, not overusing them or omitting them entirely, and there were no awkward sentences. Overall, quite well accomplished.
In Conclusion: As per the usual, I recommend (and also regret) nothing. However, this is a fic that may tickle your fancy if you're up for something that tears at your heartstrings like a rabid dog. If you so desire, give it a go. If not, why are you even here?
All in all, including the overall plot, spelling and grammar, character rendition and execution, it was very enjoyable. I give it a 7/10. Still not the best thing I've reviewed, but it's very close.
Well, there's really nothing left for me to say here, other than
This is ChrisTheCat, signing off.