Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Review – In the Darkness, The Lone Blades Light the Way

Hello my friends! Today we have a review request sent in about a crossover tale. The Covenant meets Ponies with a very long title, it's the review of In the Darkness, The Lone Blades Light the Way after the break!
(For honor, for glory, for Equestria!)

The Description:
The Sangheili, meaning "I glorify my kin", are a saurian species of fierce, proud, strong, agile, intelligent warriors and skilled combat tacticians. Named after their home planet, Sanghelios. They are known to Humans as Elites, due to their adeptness and skill in combat. The Sangheili formed the military backbone of the Covenant for almost the entirety of its existence, they fear very little, and take great pride in an ancient, honor-laden code.
This Spec. Ops. team has nothing left to lose, and was caught in the blast of a human slip-space engine malfunctioning on board a ship they were supposed to return to.
How will they deal with the English talking, trotting and flying abilities that are that of the dominant race, Ponies?
Will they continue their twisted, genocidal campaign as they did with the humans, or will they wait it out, and wait for rescue?
Will the Elite's throw away their traditions and honor, to live in peace, for once in their warful life?
(The following happens as Jorge makes the drive go haywire, not exactly sure WHEN it takes place in season one or two, but hopefully I'll get some ideas.
If i get so much as a name of a ship wrong, tell me. It will be fixed.
Need a name for the elite, Think of your own and send it to me, Ill judge on who's gets to be used :P
Don't hate it till you read it.)

[There's a word that's not a word in the description... not the best start, I'm afraid, but cautious optimism should be employed.]

The Story:
A Phantom is sent flying through space after the fall of Reach, crash landing in the Everfree Forest, where the survivors are met by the Cutie Mark Crusaders, befriending them. They are then led back to Ponyville, where they meet the other main characters. Then, at a party thrown by Pinkie, they decide to meet Princess Celestia, while one of the subordinates attacks some guards inspecting their craft...

And that's about all. It has more detail, but as far as important plot points, these are they. It's not yet complete, so expect more later!

The Characters:
Elites Ultra (Good, peaceful) and Minor (Bad, honor hungry, bloodthirsty), the Jackal Bok, the Grunt Pip-Pap, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and the Mane Six who, in their brief appearances, haven't been themselves. The thing about all of these characters is that it's hard to read them past the stereotypes presented. Ultra so far is the most interesting, but his motivations and actions aren't clear, even when we're in his head. It's... disorienting.

Repeated words and misplaced (often overused) commas abound, along with typos, capitalization errors, an odd sentence structure (which lightens up as the story progresses), and a general misuse of both tense and plurality modifiers. Apart from the technical issues, other execution problems come from the fact that the plot points were predictable and felt slightly forced, but this is an issue with most crossovers, especially from things of such a violent nature, so it's not too large a problem. The fight scene was difficult to make out due to its lack of spacial relationships, and overall it's shoddy. Not actually distractingly bad, but nowhere near perfect.

I will admit that I like the concept a lot. Like, a lot of a lot, but I didn't actually much like the story. It's interesting, and I sort of want to keep reading it in a purely intellectual capacity, but for enjoyment? I'm afraid I'm going to have to say no.

In Conclusion:
An interesting premise with poor execution. A lack of detail or depth do a lot to hinder this work from greatness. Not bad, just unpolished. If you like the Covenant from Halo, Lore, and Ponies, this is a story for you!

The Link:

And this is all for me for this week, my friends. Please, do continue to send in stories you wish to see reviewed, as it will help us to curtail our own searches to things you might enjoy. And you get an honest opinion before diving in yourself! It's a win for us all. Anywho, have a wonderful day everypony!

Your honor bound writer,

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