Thursday, June 28, 2012

Review - The Regalia

I thought we were done with trollfics. Humanity has let me down once again. *sigh* 'The Regalia', after the break. 
(What's the point of the royal decor, anyway? It's not like you can't see everything in the first place)

Alright, the story I'll be reviewing today is 'The Regalia' by Autumn Wind, and it's another f@#!ing trollfic. Before one of you goes 'Wait Chris, why are you reviewing a story you don't like?' Well, simple minded reader who would dare question me, I've yet to review a story I truly like, so *raspberry*. But honestly, the reason I wanted to review this is because...I don't know, actually. 

It's nothing special, and though it may give you a bit of a surprise at the end, like you don't go to Pony-Con to retain your masculinity, you don't come to me for a positive review. Let's take the plunge.

Description: 'Golden Bracer, a Lieutenant of Celestia's Royal Guardm has desires that somewould declare shameful, perhaps even indecent. One day, however, these desires find him invited intoPrincess Celestia's own private quarters. With his honor as a guardspony on the line, Golden Bracer can only hope that after the night's developments he can keep his secret safe.'

So we are led to believe that there is sex in this, and that it may contain some clop. Now clop I'm okay with, but trollfics just piss me off at how popular they get. Anyway, this description is appropriately vague for the genre. But...ugh, there were two mistakes in the description, 'somewould' and 'intoPrincess'. This is the first fic I've ever read reviewed that has errors in the description. I applaud you, sir and/or madam.

Plot: This fic is so short that I may as well spoil the whole thing. Golden Bracer is one of Celestia's Royal Guard, and he has been called to have an audience with the Princess in the middle of the night. Blushing furiously, Celestia instructs him to slowly and individually remove her official attire. The gag is then introduced, as the people thought that Celestia was telling Golden Bracer to strip her, when in fact he is removing her royal garb from himself. A crossdressing pony. I'll admit, that wasn't entirely expected. 

Characters: No character development or personalities whatsoever. Golden Bracer repeats the same line over and over, and besides being revealed as a cross-dresser he has nothing unique about him. Celestia is...well, I think she was meant to be Trollestia, but if she was that attempt failed horribly. There is really nothing else to say here. 

Spelling and Grammar: There weren't many errors in this (besides the fic in general), but that was mostly because of the terribly short length. I've seen author's notes that have gone for longer. 2 spelling errors and a single grammatical error. 
Spelling: Paragraph fifteen had 'judgement'. There is no 'e' depending on which kind of English you use. The author is obviously using American English, so that is a mistake. Paragraph seventeen had 'minutious'. What? What is this word? Any other words it could have been don't fit in with the rest of the sentence. \
Grammar: Paragraph sixteen, 'Celestia ,'. Unnecessary space. 

Execution: You all know my views on trollfics, and as such this section of the review is almost completely unnecessary. However, it's not just the trollfic aspect, it's also the length. It's so short! The pacing was far too rushed, and combined with the length it's just a completely awful fic. 

In Conclusion: My reviews are usually snarky and sarcastic, but this one seems especially aggressive. Ugh, I pride myself on making my reviews at least somewhat clever, but this...yeah. It's just the fact that it's a trollfic that sets me on edge. Why are these so popular? Do people enjoy being tricked? I don't get it, I really don't. 

Even if I don't count that it's a trollfic, it's still not that good of a story. Sure, it has very little written errors, but when you factor in the length then it's not that impressive. Even then...

Screw it. I never recommend anything, but this gets un-recommended. That's right. I went there. 

This is ChrisTheCat, signing off.

F@#!ing trollfics...

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