Sunday, May 27, 2012

Review - Harmony Harmony

I'm feeling particularly grumpy today, so let's take out my pent up aggression on a perfectly innocent fic! Hooray for anger management issues! 'Harmony Harmony', after the break.


(CRUSH. KILL. DESTROY. SWAG.)



Alright, the story I'll be reviewing today is 'Harmony Harmony' by Jenova2, a story that was as good as a well-built and well-maintained train, if said train was off the tracks and hurtling towards an orphanage. The central character is a total ass-hat, the other characters slightly out of character and the overall setting just...eh. It was very nice to see someone screw with the ponies, even unintentionally, and the ending was another case of 'oooooooooooooh crap' that I enjoy oh-so-much, but like you don't go to Amsterdam for the sightseeing, you don't come to me for a positive review. Let's do this.

Description: Eager for intellectual stimulation, Twilight makes her GREATEST INVENTION EVER! But what do her friends think about her creation? Veteran bronies may remember this one.
I'm pretty sure Twilight's greatest invention was the Robo-Dash 9000 from MAGIC.MOV. Oh well, let's give it a whirl.

Plot: Twilight Sparkle has apparently grown bored of her friends (surprise surprise) and decided to build a metal monstrosity as a new companion. The robot, ironically named 'Harmony' as we'll see in a tic, starts out okay, but leaves the library after Twilight makes a math error. She (because robots have gender now) goes around the town trying to do...something, and ends up meeting all of the Mane Six in the meantime. From there everything goes to shit as Harmony unintentionally ruins everypony's day. It's not that bad of a plot, though there are a few points that could be touched up on (for example, how did Twilight program a robot if she is as bad at mathematics as the story claims?).

Characters: This was painful. Twilight is apparently some kind of idiot savant, knowing how to build a hyper-advanced robot in a world where the most advanced piece of technology I've seen was a damned camera, and yet not knowing how to solve the following equation: 48 / 2 X 9 + 3. If you don't know that, then binary code should be a little out of your league. Fluttershy starts out alright, but quickly devolves into her own version of Pinkemina after Harmony literally says three sentences. She later proceeds to treat Harmony like an animal in that the mechanical equine was going to LOVE HER. I didn't have much of a problem with Rarity, who was as much of an aristocrat as she is in the show. Pinkie Pie doesn't really do much either, apparently taking a minor insult about her candy to heart (saying you are using your candy to slowly and systematically destroy everypony is a minor insult, right?). Applejack and Rainbow Dash were portrayed rather accurately, however. Finally, Harmony her(it?)self. Where do I begin? It's(she's?) exactly how I picture our future masters; cold, cruel and emotionally retarded. Beep boop beep. 

Spelling and grammar: A decently well-edited fic, with 4 spelling errors and 5 grammatical issues. 
Spelling: In paragraph three, the word 'abstrusive' popped up. ...I'm sorry, what? That's not a word. It really isn't. Were you looking for 'obstrusive'? Paragraph seventeen contains 'Owlowicious'. Why is it that literally nopony I've ever met/seen can spell this correctly? It's 'Owloysius'! Then, all the way down in paragraph seventy-four, you said 'how'm'. *sigh* Look, I know you were trying to do something along the lines of 'how'd' or 'how's', but just because you put an apostrophe down doesn't mean you can make a new abbreviation. Finally, in paragraph one-hundred and ten, you said 'y'know', and the same rule applies as above. Now, I know whenever Applejack speaks, many of these tend to appear. I accept these because of her accent. However, the rest of the fic should be accurate.
Grammar: In paragraph sixteen, there was "Break?" That should have an 'A' in front of it. Paragraph thirty-four had a mix-up with 'Were' when it should have been 'Where'. Next down the queue in paragraph fifty-three, Applejack says 'a testament' when it should have been- Oh. You covered that yourself. Huh. In paragraph sixty-one, there are two commas that need to shove off, 'the third,' and 'the fourth,'. 

Execution: There were a few points where the story seemed to stumble and trip, but for the most part it kept its footing. However, and I cannot stress this enough: To build a robot, you need math skills. That's a pretty big plot hole, in my professional (Ha! Right...) opinion. There were also several points where details seemed to have been skipped over like the author was trying to avoid telling us a few things. Also, comma overuse. The ending was a bit of a shock as well, and that I rather enjoyed.

In Conclusion: As much as I hate to admit it this is one of the better stories I've reviewed, even with the above points mentioned. I still don't recommend it, but use your own opinions and give your own critiques. This isn't North Korea, you can think for yourself. Out of ten? Hmm...7/10.

A couple plot holes, some spelling errors, grammatical issues and some out-of-character characters. Who honestly expected any different? However, I still can't get over how Twilight built a robot and yet could do basic math, and for that, I say:

THERE IS NO MIDDLE FINGER LARGE ENOUGH.


Now that that's done...

Some people complained over my last review on 'Two Cups of Tea' that I was a bit too personal, and that I was very mean. In response, I say that I'm not always entirely serious with these reviews. Nor am I entirely joking, but that's neither here nor there. My point is, if you think my negative opinion is that offensive; remember that it's still just one opinion. Hear that, AA? Everypony loves you. Calm down. 

Also, a binary joke: There are 10 types of people in this world; those who understand binary, and those who don't.

This is ChrisTheCat, signing off. 




4 comments:

  1. The Owl's name used to be the way he spelled it on the wiki. It has since been changed to how you spelled it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ...

    Are you addressing me, or the author?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You, because I know I spelled it wrong the one time I used it on the story because I went and looked it up.

      Just a bit of trivia that shouldn't affect anything at all.

      Delete