Friday, May 18, 2012

Review: A Game of Hearts

Well, It's been a while 'bout time I reviewed something.
Well I have been reading a lot of Fallout Equestria but I think it's only fair that I read something different, lets see what is on the featured box of Fim fiction.....

Oh.....

GOD DAMN MOTHER FU**** SHIPPING!

*sigh* A game of Shipping Hearts by Corvus54 is after the break...

Gonna swear a lot so be prepared for it




why me?


Yeah, I don't know if many of our newer readers are aware but I, DarcySupremest 
DETEST
ANYTHING RELATED TO SHIPPING

AND ESPECIALLY if it has Rainbow Dash in it! 

Christ sake ponies, I understand you all love Rainbow Dash, but stop using her for shipping !
Hows about we use some other ponies like....Junebug or Colgate maybe even Vinyl....wait no on second thought keep that shit away from my Vinyl she doesn't deserve it.


So yeah lets go, lets get this out of the way...

THE PLOT
The "plot" revolves around Rainbow Dash dating a dick 'in both meanings of the word"

It's the annual Pegasus Census whatever in Cloudsdale!, and Rainbow Dash is all up in that city doing the athletic portion of the....wait what?

Our first problem is the glaringly strange Athletic census, census is when they count the population to adjust the budget accordingly, so why in the hoof is being athletic an important feature?

So do the other races do it? Do unicorns have to write a short novel in their census? do griffins have to see how high they can fly in theirs......

Are you sure you want to continue on this story arc Corvus? 

I'd much rather see what Shining Armour is doing in Canterlot right now.

....nothing? 

okay....

We then meet Skyfire which is Rainbow Dashes Coltfriend in this. Yep that's right Rainbow's on the pole in this one, that doesn't happen very often does it?

And Skyfire is a dick!

And Scootaloo doesn't like him!

TA'DA!
THAT'S THE PLOT!

What I hate the most is that at first you're given the implication that maybe you will be reading a story about Rainbow Dash being in an abusive relationship and her having a Stockholm attraction to him, which would be really good because that would be an interesting story and would be an original and fresh story 'IF'
written well.

But no; we end up with a story about her leaving an egotistic jock hothead for a buck named Rorschach, a long and annoyingly hard name to say so from now on he is known as 7 inch and Skyfire is now 12 inch because they are both as equally dickish as each other.

THE CHARACTERS

Soooooo

I already said how annoying both the bucks are in this, how they are both equally dicks, 7 inch reminds me a  lot about my self, calling the "jocks and tru gangsta's" a cunt in a series of intricate inside jokes right to their face and laughing when they just unleash a salvo of swear words back to me. 

He does the same thing calling 12 inch a 'mentally challenged fellow' then laughing and him when he 'pretends to be a badass over there' and still laughing when he's about to get punched in the face.

What a catch he is! I can see why you would leave 12 inch to start dating him Rainbow!

You see it's hard to feel invested in the character we are supposed to like when he is a dick Corvus just saiyan.

SO wrapping it up Rainbow Dash dates a 12 inch dick and leaves him for a cocky 7 inch dick.
Awesoooommmmmeeee

Oh yeah Rainbow Dash, Scoots and Fluttershy are in this too, they act pretty much exactly the same as they are in the show 'Egotistical, annoying and loveable' respectively
Characters done.


IN CONCLUSION

To be honest I hate shipping and my blind 400 degree hate for the genre fueled a Bias so this wasn't the best review I'm sure.

I'm never going to keep reading it. but you are not me and do not think like me so if you like shipping then I'm sure you will enjoy it. Lord knows I didn't.

I'm DarcySupremest, and I have had enough of this lovey dovey soap opera bullshit, I need to boot up CSS and shoot something.

Have a good one.
~DarcySupremest








6 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Something is certainly my feeling.

      Delete
  2. Wohahahahahahahaa!

    I like you! Why can't you review more? Hahahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is Corvus.

    While I find your hatred for shipfics silly, I want to make something clear: Your critique, while blunt and unforgiving, is duly noted.

    To tell you the truth, I'm not proud of the fic's current state. It was rushed, and I didn't pour too much time into editing and didn't even bother cross-examining with other fanfic writers.

    I know this sounds unrealistic, but I want to make Game of Hearts into the best fic I can manage. My goal is to turn it into something that YOU enjoy.

    Also, I love feedback. I've had nothing but positive comments so far. Yeah, they're NICE, but your scathing review gave me more to think about than all the "Follows" and "Favorites" combined.

    TL;DR

    I appreciate your review. Game of Hearts suffered in quality because it was rushed. I wanna make a story you can enjoy.

    Regards,

    Corvus

    ReplyDelete
  4. Side note: It's incomplete. Rainbow has not left Skyfire by the end of the first chapter.

    Thank you.

    ReplyDelete