Thursday, April 19, 2012

Review – An Unexpected Development

Unfortunately, due to the blackout, I could not bring the intended story up for review, or a lot of my backup ones (writers really need backup links). Instead, here's one that's been on the list for a long time, since right after Hearts and Hooves Day aired. An Unexpected Development, after the break.


(To be honest, I saw it coming.)

The Story:
The story begins about a month after Hearts and Hooves Day, with Cheerilee finding herself in a particularly sour mood. She's been sick for days, tired, cranky, gaining weight, and milk just gets her sick to her stomach. With April Foal's day coming up she wants to be at the top of her game, so she visits a Doctor to make a startling discovery: She's pregnant. Of course, she hasn't had any coltfriends for a while, so who could the father be but Big Mac? At the same time, unknowing of all that is going on, Mac goes to the gazebo in the park to confess his feelings to his love: Fluttershy.

And that's the story. It is on it's first chapter, and hasn't gone anywhere in two months. I'm afraid it may be abandoned, or at least on a long hold due to apparent health problems with the author, but it promises to at least be interesting!

The Characters:
Cheerilee is extremely cranky and not her normal self at all, which makes sense, but I was still kind of hoping to see a bit more of the happy her from the very beginning. Too bad there wasn't much to gauge character, but I'm hoping for the best. Big Mac is quiet, polite, and recently slightly out of his shell enough to ask somepony out. That's all so far. The Cutie Mark Crusaders are themselves, but haven't had much screen time either, so that's that. Nothing ground breaking, nothing wrong, just got to see where it's going.

The author has a tendency to beat around the bush slightly, talking around a point to build it up instead of coming out and saying it. It worked to build up a couple things, but on the other end it slowed down some stuff unnecessarily. There also just isn't much character to the characters yet, but I'm sure with a little more time that'll probably clear up.

A bit bland, to be honest. Could use a little spice, a little love, and a little more of a hook than an obvious plot point. I can't enjoy it yet... It's not bad, but it just needs more!

In Conclusion:
A story that is stunted in its youth, but could be quite promising. Here's hoping there's more to come!

The Link:

Sorry if this is a bit lackluster, the FiM blackout threw me for a loop, and I sort of... saw the story coming, so it was the characters that would have sold it, and they just weren't quite there yet. Oh well, I got my first request for a review, so expect that next week! In the meantime, have a wonderful day everypony!

Your excited writer,

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