I have been tasked to review a story, and I shall deliver! Christian and Geo in Equestria after the break!
Twilight is tasked with an experiment from the Princess herself: to open a portal to another dimension and collect some samples. However, after multiple things go wrong with the preparation, there is one final glitch in the experiment that leaves two humans stuck in the middle of the Everfree. There they find Fluttershy injured and, as they have no food, immediately decide to eat the unconscious pegasus. That is when she awakes, alerting the humans to her ability to speak and her friends to where she is. The other ponies knock out the monsters, taking them to the library where Christian manipulates them into talking while waiting for Celestia. He hurts Rarity's emotions, annoys the princesses upon arrival to no end, then hurts Pinkie Pie's feelings (not winning any friends here, is he?). This gets Rainbow Dash to fight him, injuring them both badly. After much time spent in the hospital explaining Christian's background, and then they are voted to stay with each of the elements in turn, Christian with Applejack and Geo with Rarity. This is when things start to get amusing and I will stop spoiling things (partially because its still being worked on, mostly because I don't want to ruin anything).
Unfortunately, something I dislike about the story is the characters, primarily because they are all stereotypes. Twilight Sparkle is quick to anger, and goes a step further on it then normal. I'm not sure I like hotblooded Twilight, nor how she treats her assistant, or really, anyone. She also gets extremely focused on her experiments to an excessive degree, excluding a lot of things she's normally careful about. Safety, for instance, or controlled testing environments. Spike, Rarity, the Apples, Celestia, and Luna all have cookie cutter personalities that I just sort of can't comment on. Fluttershy is randomly friendly or shy depending on the situation. Applejack is super violent and kind of bull headed. Rainbow Dash has a crush on Fluttershy and is focused on being kick-flank and hotblooded. Pinkie Pie is attention grabbing and childish to an end even further than the show allows, apparently with a crush on probably Applejack. Christian is very condescending, horribly cold and calculating, the 'true intellect' type of character, with an eidetic memory. He also uses very odd references for how things happen, and is one evil sonnuvva with an absolutely horrific past. Doesn't justify his actions, but damn... He also is okay at faking emotions and apparently loves piano. Georgina (Geo) is kind, of short temper, prefers the better beverage, and could use a workout. I'd say more, but those are plot, not character, so that's really about that.
Let's get out my little list... Names are repeated a little too often, details are explained a little too heavy-handedly, there was at least one blip with tenses, slightly odd phrasing, a couple odd things with quotes (not keeping one character's dialogue together, not separating dialogue from multiple characters), comma misuse, typos, misused words, inconsistencies (out of clothes when asleep, in when wakes up), people/ponies repeat themselves a lot... they're all minor, but they add up.
Eh... not really, personally. Not a huge fan of humans in Equestria, nobody is growing or learning as characters, Christian, the most interesting character, is evil with no redeemable features... Just not going to being likable in my opinion.
It's an okay story I suppose, but definitely not my cup of tea. If the characters were to be, well, characters, then maybe my opinion would change, but as it is, I can't recommend it. It doesn't mean don't give it a shot though if you're interested!
And that's all for this update! I feel a bit bad for having to give a negative review for the first one I have been asked to do, but not being honest won't help anyone. Have a wonderful day everypony!
Your honest writer,